


You Are What You Eat

by quentin_speaks



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anthropomorphism - Freeform, Food mention, Logan eats books, Please Forgive me, im sorry, this is aboslutely not meant to be good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 14:59:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18701920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quentin_speaks/pseuds/quentin_speaks
Summary: They say you are what you eat. Logan sometimes likes to eat books.





	You Are What You Eat

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I did not write this intending for it to be good, and it is definitely garbage. Hope it makes you laugh at least!  
> TW for food mentions (let me know if there's anything else that I should tag)

“Has anyone seen Logan?” Patton asked as he descended the stairs. “We’re supposed to watch that new Netflix wildlife documentary today but I can’t find him anywhere.”

Virgil shrugged as he changed the TV station, flipping idly through the channels. “Hasn’t been down here.”

“Did you check his room?” Roman asked from the kitchen.

“I knocked but he didn’t answer. I’ll try again,” Patton said, heading back up the stairs. Surely Logan wasn’t still sleeping--it was nearly 3 PM--but maybe he’d been too busy to answer, or maybe Patton hadn’t waited long enough at the door. He promised himself he’d try knocking a few more times before turning away this time

Patton knocked several times, shifting nervously from foot to foot. There was no response on the other side of the door and after nearly ten minutes of waiting Patton was ready to look elsewhere. He turned to walk away but as he did so a muffled voice called from behind Logan’s door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Patton. You okay in there kiddo?”

A muffled groan came from behind the door. “No one else is with you?”

Patton was beginning to become worried. He rested his hand on the doorknob, not turning it yet but waiting to see if Logan invited him in. “It’s just me. Can I come in?”

Logan agreed and Patton slipped quietly into his room, closing the door behind him. 

The room was surprisingly large, and Patton was sure he’d never be used to that. The walls were lined with bookshelves and a desk was tucked into one corner. The bed was tucked into another corner, made up hospital-style. Logan, however, was nowhere in sight.

Patton crossed the room to sit on the edge of the bed, taking note of the book resting just below the pillow. That must have been the one Logan was reading currently, he thought. It was a thick, older looking book, with no writing on the binding to indicate what it was. 

“Hey, L? Where’d you go?”

The book next to Patton opened, the cover flapping open and closed as Logan’s voice rang out quietly across the room. “You can’t tell anyone about this.”

Patton felt his eyes go wide as he quickly scrambled off the edge of the bed. The book next to him appeared to be talking, and Logan’s disembodied voice seemed to be emanating from it. Surely Logan couldn’t have been…

“I won’t! Where are you? What happened? Are you okay?”

The book’s cover flapped again as Logan spoke. “I might have taken one of the Dragon Witch’s books,” he stated. “Which may have resulted in my being cursed by the Dragon Witch.”

“Wait you’re not… You mean… She turned you into a book?” Patton asked, incredulous.

“You cannot tell anyone about this,” Logan stated again, the book’s cover still flapping in time. The synchronicity felt eerie to Patton, and he had to fight not to turn his gaze away. He wasn’t even sure that Logan could see him, but he didn’t want to concern him either way

“I won’t! You’re a book now? Why didn’t you just give the one you took back?”

A heavy silence followed, the cover of the book opening and closing repeatedly despite the silence. Logan seemed to be thinking of what to say, how to explain the situation in the best possible way.

“The book no longer exists,” was all he said.

Patton felt a look of confusion spread across his face, staring intently at the book--Logan, he reminded himself--while trying to decipher exactly what Logan had meant by that. “You protect books, though,” Patton mumbled. “You collect them and restore them and… Why would you have… Did you lose it?”

A heavy sigh came from Logan, who seemed more embarrassed than concerned. “I may, on occasion, indulge in a light snack.”

Patton’s jaw dropped, his eyebrows creasing as realization drew across his face. “You? Eat books?!” He was shaking slightly, out of confusion or rage he wasn’t quite sure. “You could have hurt yourself! And now look at you! How are we supposed to fix this?”

“She said ‘You are what you eat’ right before she left, so I think that’s how I’m supposed to fix this? I have to eat… something that isn’t a book? Can books even eat?”

Patton sighed, his hands clenched tightly at his side. He’d never felt so much anger towards Logan, but he’d also never seen Logan make such a stupid, careless decision such as eating a book. No wonder the Dragon Witch was angry, it must have been a very old and valuable book. “I don’t know, Lo. Why don’t I try feeding you something else and see if that helps?”

Logan agreed and Patton began to search the room for something that he could feed Logan that wasn’t another book or something similar to one. Eventually, he settled on a small teddy bear figuring that he’d given Logan as a gift a few years back. He walked back over to the book and opened its cover, dropping the figurine in and waiting for the cover to close on its own. 

The cover flapped a few times as if Logan was chewing, and suddenly the book was gone. In its place a second bear figuring rest, unable to move. 

“This is progress,” Logan stated. “Now I just need to find a way to turn myself back into a person.”

The two spoke for a moment, attempting to find a solution that would allow Logan to become himself again. There were no obvious solutions, though, and Patton started to become frustrated. What sort of thing would Logan have to eat to make himself an actual person again?

Finally, an idea struck him. “Do you have a hairbrush? I know it’s gross but maybe…”

Logan directed him towards his bathroom, where Patton nervously picked a few strands of hair from the brush. If Patton were to list his proudest moments, that would not have been anywhere near the list. On the contrary, it might have been one of the most uncomfortable things he’d ever done.

He set the hairs on the top of the figurine, which somehow began to absorb them. Patton thought it looked awfully similar to a rabbit quickly chomping down strands of hay. Thankfully, it seemed as though it would work based on the previous test.

Logan magically appeared on the bed next to him, looking like his regular self. He thanked Patton for his help, and they both vowed to never tell another soul about the experience. No one needed to know what had happened, and no one needed to know about Logan’s (previous) habit of eating the occasional tome.

Several hours later Logan sat at the dining room table. He’d just finished making himself a sandwich and was sitting across from Roman who was attempting to flick a paper football into an empty mayonnaise jar. The events of that afternoon had long escaped from his mind.

It wasn’t but a second after Logan swallowed the first bite of his sandwich that he felt himself shift, suddenly being turned into an exact copy of the sandwich he had just made.

Roman’s eyes turned wide, staring directly at the space where Logan had been sitting previously, now occupied only by a sandwich. He sighed, summoning an old book without a title on it, lazily flipping through the pages. 

“You really upset the Dragon Witch, didn’t you, Teach?”


End file.
